A reality already planned

It’s true.

I’ve always pushed people away.

Its because the longer they stay, the deeper it becomes. The pain.

I’m not a nice person you see. I hurt people, I have hurt people and It kills me everyday knowing that. I have apologised but apologies don’t fix anything, they can’t not be hurt. The farther I stand, the better for those I love. For the longer I keep you close, the harder it is for me to let go of you and the harder for me to get over the fact that I’ve hurt someone. I promise I never meant to hurt anyone but I did. I will leave for you, I know its wrong of me to decide that all by myself but trust me on this. Its all my fault I’m here to begin with, I looked for something I should never have cause my life was decided for me by my parents the moment my brother and cousins made a mistake. Also I can’t go against my parents for they have given me my education and enough for me to be thankful to them.

I just didn’t want to give those any false hopes but why am I this broken then…

I pray to god every day to help those people I have met and those I haven’t heal and bestow happiness on them. Thats all I pray now. Insha’allah Allah will give my call a listen and help me out.

I had to get it off my chest –

Good Night

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It’s a Curse

From the title you guys must be wondering what I mean by “It”, well I’m referring to ‘Love’.

Yes Love. I know, I’m the girl who you thought still believes in that thing… But I don’t anymore, well I think I don’t. Why?

Well its because when you are caged up and your only escape is books and movies, you learn of love. That love portrayed by those tools give people extremely high expectations of love. Yes they give you the strength to fall in love but not the strength to confront it. I’m not saying love doesn’t exist, but I’m saying… I wish it didn’t…

You guys must be thinking it’s easy for me to say cause I’ve already Fallen in love but trust me that Fall has left behind something I can’t explain and something I wish I didn’t feel. Because of that one fall, I even mistook friendship for love and I’m never going to forgive myself for that. The only love that is acceptable in my life is the one I feel when I see people in love, songs of love that leave me out of breath and stories of love that will never exist. Before, These stuff used to only make me happy, dream and long for such love but now they make me happy and break my heart at the same time. You can say it’s the aftereffects of a wrong choice but when a heart loves, it loves…

So that is why I wish it were curse; I wish I’d never met it in my dreams and I know words have power but I’m still going to say this, I wish love didn’t exist. Only those lucky enough to find it in their first try have it easy, but those who have got their hearts broken. I know and I would like you to know it’ll pass. It’ll pass, trust me but the feelings you felt never leave. They might still make you smile and then make you realise how stupid you were to fall in love in the first place.

Anywayyyyyysss I’m on Summer Vacation, what about you all?

Aah curious about why the love talk? Wellll . . . recently my parents keep bringing up the topic of marriage and I guess I’m just preparing myself for something that might come tmrw, in a week or even in a year. I’m preparing myself mentally but to be honest I get a shiver ever single time they “joke” about it or just mention it some way or the other.

Well put that aside, its a personal matter. I want to how have you all been!? It’s been sooo long since I’ve written my thoughts well there have been too many thats why.

So Is it summer where you? Are you on a trip out of country? Are you enjoying yourself? Are you living your life?

Well goodnight from my side cause it’s 1 am where I am 😅

Lots of Love,

Sweet dreams,

Good Night.

Rafia

Even if it were… It’d not be you

Even if you were the only person left in the world, I wouldn’t tell u of my death nor look for you in my death bed.

I might lose my legs and even my arms but even so you’re still the last person in the world I’d look for.

Get over yourself, I talked to you cause I needed to jump over that hurdle of my life.

Don’t be so full of yourself, you are just one of the 7.3 billion humans living on this planet.

You’ve given me as much as you have taken but I still don’t call it even for people like you don’t deserve a break, well just not yet.

Good night.

It’s in my head

It’s been a while since I’ve been happy.

It’s been a while since I’ve been sad.

It’s been a while since I have felt practically anything.

Yet I have seen flowers grow, I’ve seen them die, and I’ve watched seasons pass by…

Don’t worry, I felt something yesterday but don’t smile just yet or feel relieved. Those same nightmarish feelings from Highschool came back to life thanks to people close to me.

One thing I’ve learned is that it’s only the people you know that can make you feel like crap and bring you down.

Not some stranger, not your enemies but your friends.

I know life is tough, and I know I gotta deal with it and I know I’m supposed to act like an adult cause I’m 19… but I never got a chance to act like spoiled brat to begin with.. so when do I get to do that? When is my turn to let my shoulders relax and just be myself for a change instead of always carrying all them responsibilities and expectations? When do I get to… oh wait. I forgot. my anxiety. so that answers my question with a never.

All those what ifs and all those what will they says in my head and all those scenarios are a part of my daily life. Trust me when I tell you it’s hard to find me carefree.

Anyways, one thing I learned today about myself! It makes me extremely happy to make someone else happy and make them feel good about themselves so that’s great 😊

Anyways, It’s almost 2am but I had to get this off of my chest 😊

Goodnight, hope you all have a splendid day. Keep telling yourself it’ll be over soon and you might manage to get through it in no time. Sweet dreams.

Bye,

Rafia Rowshni

24 hours is all

– Everyday you can learn something new –

   With the help of many people and many small steps, you can change your circumstances and your perception about your day. It’s all about being brave and stepping out of one’s comfort zone.

More lost than ever and freaking out on the inside with my Anxiety, we walked inside. While Food trucks were getting set up in all directions in this extremely hot weather, we looked for the washroom to change into our F.C.S shirts.

Unfortunate for us we got stationed to the kids section, no one ever showed up and all we did was sit and enjoy the breeze and view. Looking at the ocean is an hour away from reality and feeling its breeze brush brush past me and I was drowning in solace.

But that was it… the beach, that peaceful silence, the joy, the goofing around. that was it. only one day is what I got and Alhamdulillah I made it count.

Inspiration comes in may forms. You might be my next.

Take care,

Rafia

P.S. I met some really cool funny people

Facts about Me

Get to know me a little.

Name: Rafia Alam Rowshni

Age: 19

Nationality: Bangladeshi

Country I live in: The United Arab Emirates (since I was 8 months – if you were curious)

Languages I speak fluently: English & Bengali (Yes I don’t speak Arabic)

Languages I understand: Urdu/Hindi , English, Bengali and a little bit of Korean/Japanese

Currently A Student at Abu Dhabi University (ADU) –

Major: Bachelor’s of Science in Public Health (in my 3rd year)

Height: I am Short

I’m a book lover, I love coffee, I’m not a big fan of animals.

My favorite thing to do is eat chocolates and try out new desserts every now and then.

I enjoy writing. I am in the process of creating a book filled my poetry and publish it later.

Sleep deprived + Upset + Low energy = Overreacting, dramatic, mean, and don’t-know-what-she-is-saying me (NOTE: half or an hour later I regret my actions). I would rather sit alone when i am tired than engage in a conversation cause that is a critical time frame for me. I am not a nice person when i am tired.

I am a very fun person to be with when I am in a good/great mood.

I don’t do well in big crowds, especially if they are my friends. I can only handle maximum 3 people… I am not as extroverted as I look.

I can’t stand it when I see something wrong being done to someone.

I SUCK BIG TIME at Jokes, I am not over-exaggerating. I am very serious.

 

If you have anymore question. Feel free to ask, I am open to anything appropriate.

~ Good Night

Sincerity?

Sincerity?

   When it comes to doing something for the good of people, how sincere are you? Do you do it for Social Media? Do you do it because it is your duty? or do you to it because you want to do it?

If your answer is the 3rd then I am sure you work hard till the last minutes to get it right so it is successful, be it an event or project submission or work.

I believe if you are sincere with what you want to do, then you can handle the criticism you receive and use the time  left to use those criticisms at your advantage.

I know, criticism gets to all of our nerves at some point, but keep in mind only accept criticism from those who mean well of you not from those who only look for reasons to bring you down.

It’s hard to be honest in this world, but I am going to take a step closer to an honest world by speaking up if I see someone being wronged in front of me. Yes I am a girl, but I’m a human First and A human should always look out for their fellow human when things are not right.

I’ve got a long day tomorrow since I’ll be volunteering at The Health Fitness & Fun Festival tomorrow. Good Night, Sweet Dream and Sleep Well..

Love & Hugs,

Rafia